In these days of Kickstarters & Indies-Go-Go it can be hard to justify donating to any cause that doesn’t give you something concrete right back.
So I’ve added some sweet incentives to my marathon fundraiser for Wellness in the Schools. If the prospect of improving the quality of life for NYC school kids isn’t enough for you maybe one of these exclusive and limited rewards will put you over the top.
$10: the warm-up whisper. Roughly 21,000 people will be starting the marathon before I do on November 3rd. That means I’ll spend an hour or so bouncing around in my short shorts trying to stave off hypothermia. If you donate $10 to WITS I will spend a good 5 minutes of that hour saying your name under my breath as I hop from foot to foot.
$25: the shoe-tie tightener. A personal touch: as I lace my shoes up like a corset for the hundredth time on marathon morning in an effort to get them just right I will—for just $25—imagine that I am on my knees in front of you—tying YOUR shoes.
$50: the carbo-loader. At set periods throughout the race I will be using my handsome teeth to rip the top off of foil packets of sugar-and-caffeine-saturated sports goo. If you donate $50 to WITS I will imagine that I am biting the head of your worst enemy, like Ugolino in Dante’s Hell. (Please include the name of your enemy in your donation)
$100: the praise god and also these fine people. For a mere $100 I will invoke your name as I take a knee and Tebow the finish line in Central Park. (And since nobody cares about Tebow anymore there’s a good chance this move will be renamed for you when I’m interviewed post-race about How I Did It)
If none of these suits you, feel free to suggest the reward you’d like most of all. Perhaps you’d like a hug after the race, when I’ll be salt-crusted and odiferous, sort of like a shark, which is probably something you’ve dreamed of getting a hug from.
In any case, I thank you for your support at any level!
(If you’ve already pledged, don’t worry: you’re still going to get what you deserve!)
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